Friday, March 18, 2011

Why I Will Never, Ever, Ever Open an E-mail That Has Less Than Two Words In The Subject

So I just deleted about 243 different e-mails from my hotmail account today. While MOST of those e-mails were automatic notifications from Facebook, there was one other "type" of e-mail that raised my ire considerably just by seeing it in my account.

Frequently, repeatedly in fact, I get e-mails from family members in which the subject line is blank. It breaks my heart to delete all of them, because I am well aware that they may be entirely benign, but I will never, ever open a single one of them.

In fact, any e-mail without at least two unique words attached to it (I.E., not a date or a common greeting, you need a minimum of 15 characters as well) will never, ever be opened. And here's why.

1: It probably contains a virus.

If your e-mail has been hacked, there's a good chance that it is being used to send viruses out to everyone on your contact list, with the kind of subject lines that either do not exist or contain such generic things that they have no real substance.

2: It is probably spam.

I'm sure that your video of a water buffalo fending off a pack of lions until the entire herd comes back to kick their ass is incredibly awesome, but if I haven't seen it before, then your e-mail with the subject "Very cool!" is not going to get me interested.

3: You are not interested in sending me an e-mail.

People tend to think that they can get away with this in their subject line because "people don't even read the subject line" or "It's not as if it's an important part of the message "Or the most grating excuse, "It's just an e-mail!", when in fact, what you are telling me when you send this e-mail with a subject line that either does not exist or shows no creativity is that you do not care about the recipient at all. That being the case, why should I care what it contains?

So, for all of you who send me e-mails, for goodness sake, put some effort into writing a subject line! It doesn't have to be shakespearian, it just has to let me know that you aren't a spambot.